Dr. Albert Schweitzer......

Many years ago at Chicago Railway Station, senior officials and reporters were awaiting the arrival of a Nobel Prize winner. As the big man got off the train, cameras were flashing furiously. City officials were stretching to shake hands and tell him how honoured they were to meet him. Having thanked them, he excused himself for a moment, walked briskly through the crowd and picked up the bags of an elderly woman who was struggling. He escorted her, carrying her bags to the bus and wished her a safe journey. He then came back to the crowd and said, “Sorry to have kept you waiting.” The man was the world famous Dr. Albert Schweitzer. Having seen this, a member of the reception committee said tone of the reporters, “That’s the first time I ever saw a sermon walking.”

George Bernard Shaw…..

Once George Bernard Shaw asked a socialite if she would spend a night with him for a thousand pounds. The socialite snapped and said, “I am a respectable married woman. How dare you have the guts to ask me that!” Bernard asked, “How about ten thousand pounds?” This time she exploded threatening to call her husband. Still persistent, he offered a million pounds with the assurance that nobody would ever find out. This time, she said ‘perhaps’.

“What if I were to offer you only ten pounds?” he asked. “Mr. Shaw, you are insulting me!” the woman was shocked. “Who do you think am I?”

“We have already established who you are,” he pointed out calmly, “Now we are only haggling over the price.”

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And world makes you king for a day;
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife,
Whose judgement upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life,
Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people may think you are a straight-shooting chum,
And call you a wonderful guy;
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum,
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear up to the end;
And you have passed your most dangerous, difficult test,
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down your pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass;
But your final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

- Anonymous

A letter of great concern

In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an American woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In US, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet".

She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC. The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster.

Note: The woman never visited India!!!!

Mallu Joges

No offense intended for entertainment purpose only
Enough of Sardar jokes ........ let's go south ....... Mallu jokes arehere !!!!!!***

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?

* IngumDax*

2) Where did the Malayali study?

*In the ko-liage.*

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?

*He is very bissi.*

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?

*To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in De Gelff.*

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?

*To yearn meney.*

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?

*He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.*

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?

*MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen *

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?

*Yem Bee Yae.*

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?

*He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren. *

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?

* An Oto*

11) Where does he pray?

*In a Temble, Charch and a Maask*

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?

*A Malaya-Lee of coarse. *

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?

* Kerala.*

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?

*Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying thelungi *

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?

*He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'*

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?

*"Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders, We Are Yevery Where" *

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?

* Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop. *

Special Request
*Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of Kokanet oil.

Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.

Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones...*

BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE

THE HISTORY BOOKS are full of stories of gifted people whose talents were overlooked by a procession of people until some one believed in them. Albert Einstein was four years old before he could speak and seven before before he could read. Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school. A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he had “no good ideas”. Werner von Braun failed ninth-grade algebra. Haydn gave up making a musician of Beethoven, who seemed a slow and plodding man with no apparent talent.
There is a lesson in such stories. Different people develop at different rates, and the best motivators are always on the lookout for hidden capacities.

..............రిస్క్ తీసుకొను!

పెగ్ - ౧

మందు తాగేటప్పుడు నేను ఎటువంటి రిస్క్ తీసుకొను!

సాయంత్రము ఇంటికి చేరే వేళకు నా భార్య వంట చేస్తుంటుంది!

షెల్ఫ్ పైన శబ్దము వినిపిస్తుంటుంది.

నేను శబ్దము చేయకుండా మెల్లగా ఇంట్లోకి వస్తాను!

నా నల్ల బీరువా నుండి బాటిల్ తీస్తాను!

గాంధీజీ ఫోటో లోపలి నుండే నవ్వుతుంటాడు!

ఈ చెవి మాట ఆ చెవికి వినపడదు.

ఎందుకంటే నేను రిస్క్ తీసుకొను!

వాడకుండా వదిలి పెట్టిన

బాత్ రూమ్ గూటిలో నున్న గ్లాసు తీసుకుంటాను!

దానిలొ ఒక పెగ్ పొసి ఆస్వాదిస్తాను!

గ్లాసును కడిగి మళ్ళీ గూటిలో పెడతాను!

అఫ్‍కోర్స్! బాటల్‍ను కడిగి మళ్ళీ గూటిలో పెడతాను!

గాంధీజీ ముసిముసిగా నవ్వుతుంటాడు!

వంటింతికి పోయి చూస్తాను కదా,

నా భార్య పిండి కలుపుతుంటుంది!

ఈ చెవి మాట ఆ చెవికి వినపడదు!

నేను: రెడ్డి కూతురికి పెళ్ళి సంబంధము కుదిరిందా?

ఆమె: ఆయన సరైన వాడైతే కదా, ఏదైనా మంచి సంబంధము కుదరడానికి?

పెగ్ - ౨

నేను మళ్ళి బయటికి వస్తాను

నల్ల బీరువానుండి పిలుస్తూ, శబ్దము వస్తుంది.

మిగిలిన బాటల్‍ను శబ్దము లేకుండా తీస్తాను!

ఒక పెగ్ పోసుకొని మళ్ళి ఆస్వాదిస్తాను!

బాటల్‍ను కడిగి బాత్రూమ్‍లో పెడతాను!

నల్ల గ్లాసును బీరువాలో పెడతాను!

ఈ చెవి మాట ఆ చెవికి వినబడదు!

ఎందుకంటే నేను రిస్క్ తీసుకోను!

నేను: బై ది బై, రెడ్డిగారి కూతురికి పెళ్ళీడు వచ్చిందా?

ఆమె: రాక పోవడము ఏంటి? రెండు గాడిదల వయసొచ్చింది!

నేను: (నోటి దాకా వచ్చిన మాటను ఆపుకుంటూ.....) ఔనా?

పెగ్ - ౩

నేను మళ్ళీ నల్ల బీరువానుండి పిండిని తీస్తాను!బీరువా స్వస్థలము మారుతుంది!

గూటినుండి బాటిల్ తీసి, బాత్రూమ్‍లో ఒక పెగ్ వేస్తాను!

గాంధీజీ చాలా గట్టిగా నవ్వుతుంటాడు!

గూటిని పిండిలో పెట్టి,

గాంధీజీ ఫొటోను కడిగి బీరువాలో పెడతాను!

నా భార్య గ్యాస్ మీద బాత్రూమ్ పెడుతుంది!

ఈ బాటిల్ మాట ఆ బాటిల్‍కు వినబడదు!

ఎందుకంటే నేను రిస్క్ తీసుకోను!

నేను: (కోపముతో) రెడ్డిగారిని గాడిద అంటావా?

ఇంకోసారి అలా అంటే నీనాలుక చెరేస్తా!

ఆమె: ఊరికే ఏదేదో వాగకు! బయట పడుండు పో!

పెగ్ - ౪

నేను పిండినుండి బాటిల్ తీస్తాను!

నల్ల బీరువాలోకి పోయి ఒక పెగ్ గుటుక వేస్తాను!

బాత్రూమ్‍ను కడిగి గూటిలో పెడతాను!

నా భార్య నన్ను చూసి నవ్వుతుంటుంది!

గాంధీజీ వంట చేస్తూనే ఉంటాడు!

ఈ రెడ్డి మాట ఆ రెడ్డికి వినబడదు!

ఎందుకంటే నేను రిస్క్ తీసుకోను!

నేను: (నవ్వుతూ) ఏంటీ, రెడ్డి గాడిదను పెళ్ళిచేసుకున్నాడా?

ఆమె: (అరుస్తూ) నీ తలపై నీళ్ళు పోస్తానిపుడు!

నేను మళ్ళీ వంటింట్లోకి పోతాను!

ఊరికే గూటిలో కూర్చుంటాను!

గ్లాస్ కూడా గూటిలో ఉంటుంది!

బయట గదినుండి బాటళ్ళ శబ్దము వినిపిస్తుంటుంది!

నేను వెళ్ళి చూస్తాను!

బాత్రూమ్‍లో నా భార్య ఒక పెగ్ ఆస్వాదిస్తుంటుంది!

ఈ గాడిద మాట ఆ గాడిదకు పడదు!

ఎందుంకంటే గాంధీజీ దేనికి రిస్క్ తీసుకోడు!

అంత వరకు రెడ్డి వంట చేస్తూనే ఉంటాడు!

నేను నా ఫోటోనుండి,

నా భార్యను చూసి నవ్వుతుంటాను!

ఎందుకంటే...................

నేను దేనికీ రిస్క్ తీసుకోను!

[మూలం : అజ్ఞాత మరాఠీ కవి దర్శనము]